As much as I would like to discuss this topic detail by detail, I can’t. That’s why this story will be shared through series on this blog. What worked and still works for us may not work for you. So let’s just say that this is just some of the few things that both of you will surely benefit from. There isn’t a sure-fire formula for success in long distance relationships. There is no step by step guide either. It’s because love after all is not about the life after but the life being. Love is not measured on what you do but on why you do it. It is substantial rather than logical. Love simply means defying ANYTHING and even EVERYTHING to support its very existence.
I am no expert when it comes to relationships. Who is, anyway? We all have our ups and downs and lefts and rights when we choose to love. It isn’t easy. Trust me, I know. But the feeling of being loved is priceless.
When R (Okay, so this is the first time I am introducing this name to you. Pardon my over-elaborating explanation over this. Due to him being a private person, although, this blog is something that he approved of, he doesn’t want his identity to be free for anyone to know. And I respect that. So I am naming my soon-to-hubby, R.) Going back.. When R and I graduated from College, both of us searched for jobs which are exclusively related to what we took up. He’s an engineer and I am a talker, I mean, a graduate of Mass Communication, major in Broadcasting.
Before he accepted a job in Ortigas, he asked me that it would require him to leave the country once in a while. I didn’t know how long it was going to take but I knew that it would make a difference in us, in our relationship. I remember when he texted me, I ran fast to the comfort room and cried. I.CRIED.OUT.LOUD. What was I thinking then?! Just myself. I purposely invited all thoughts about the effects that it will bring to me. I embraced negativity because I believed that it will lessen the pain. I chose to be true to myself. The thing is, it did not make the bad feeling go away.
I didn’t want to talk to him for days. I couldn’t remember how we got to talk about it later on but now I still feel how painful that was. Not that I still actually feel it, but I still know it.I was so vulnerable then. I was fragile as I can be. The thought of not being able to see him for days, months, weeks, and years was extremely unentertainable. I even sort of hate him for bringing me the fear of not being with him. No one saw it coming. Neither did he, nor I. Worse, there was nothing left to be done on my part. I wanted him to be able to stand on his feet and be the man that he is supposed to be. Because, I love him.
Hours, days and months have passed, that day came. The day we had to transport him to the airport and say our goodbyes to him. We were one step closer to ending our beautiful story: The day I had to let him go.
Inevitable. The situation called us to suffer. I did not understand why he had to step on another country and slowly let my hands slip off of his. I almost gave up. Almost.
The first week without him made me turtle-turn. It was the longest week of my life, I should say. No texts, no phone calls, no movies on the couch together, no foodtrips, no anything. Just SKYPE.
I felt a bit happy, though. Being able to see him in front of my computer was way beyond relief. It was just different, of course. We were bound not to do things the way normal couples do them. The agony of waiting for him made me sick. I chose to burden my shoulders with the weight of the world just because I knew I had no choice at all.
There was so much gray on my every waking day. I’ve got no one to lean my head on. I had no one to tease with. I had no one to sit beside with.