Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale.
I’m trying to catch my breath. Sweat is all over my face. My legs are wobbling. My muscles are worn-out. My eyes are all dried up. I almost want to give up. Clearly, my body already senses exhaustion. But it’s fine. Because I can feel my heart beating so fast— and it means, I am alive.
I can do this! I can run as fast as I could. I can finish 5 laps without stopping. I can because I know I can.
This 30 minutes of my life changed my idea of what the future holds for me. At some point, I believed that I only exist to face struggles. But now I believe that it is the other way around. At this very moment, I run to get fit. In real life, I experience pains, troubles, and sufferings. All these are a consistent reminder that I am a human being.
We’ve all had our fair share of ups and downs. Even babies have it. They cry when they are hungry or when they need some arms to carry them.
Okay, so the “babies crying statement” is beside the point. Heehee. I realized that the more I convince myself to be good at something, it happens. We all have our own finish lines. We have goals, we have bucketlists (as some may call it).
As James 1:2-4 states —
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
This has been my life verse since I was a child. I used to attend summer camps and retreats way back then. I didn’t know what this exactly means until I’ve experienced my own race, my own battlefield.
Before I entered law school, no one told me how hard it can be. No one even tried to warn me. Maybe that’s because I didn’t bother to ask anyone anyway. Instead, I asked God how He likes me to pursue this career. I held a bible, opened it, and this is what overwhelmed me from Isaiah 1:17—
“Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.”
From them on, I knew that God has planted this dream in my heart since I was young. I knew He is with me on this path. Yes, you too, will just know what He wants you to do.
It has been a long and winding track for me that I need to work while studying. Waking up with a book on your face in the morning is not an ideal picture but it is to me. I need time to work on everything that’s why I learned to multi-task. Of course, skipping a date with friends has always been and will always be my waterloo. I never have/had time for anything but to study. It’s like the normal process of breathing for me.
I am just so blessed that I get to work with one of the high-paying jobs in the country. (Sorry, I can’t tell you what company I’m working for due to the company policies.) I get to work on a day shift which allowed me to go to school in the evening and study at night. I am poured of people who consistently remind me that I can be the person who I want to be. I am amazed how God has blessed me with a partner whose best interest at heart is always me. I am surrounded with both of our families who continue to support me in all possible ways they can.
See, you might think my life is a mess and full of stress but what you do not know is that through these messes and stresses, I am able to experience God’s love for me. He never fails to surprise me every single day. As what God has promised me in Isaiah 40:31–
“But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.”